The End of an AMAZING Chapter

So on August 30th, Emmaus Church Nashville will close it doors. It is a bittersweet thing. We loved well, fought hard, and were a part of an amazing experience. We will still be the church, we will still have our community but the face of Emmaus will change. It is surreal, and sad yet I am so excited for what the future holds. To tomorrow!

1 year

Today marks one year since Dad passed from this life to the next. I miss him, it makes me sad and I am looking forward. I am looking forward to remembering, looking forward to learning and growing, looking forward to what is coming, looking forward to tomorrow, and looking forward to seeing him again one day. Forward…..

Remembering Dad

I was planning to write about Remembering Dad on the 1 year mark. However, with Father’s Day this weekend (and the fact that 1 year is right around the corner) I decided to go ahead and honor him today.

The earliest thing I remember about my dad was him picking me up from Mom’s house..me waiting impatiently on the porch while he talked to Mom.  I would climb in to one of his many prized cars.  I can remember the leather seats of the Crown Vic the most. He asked me about life, about what I wanted to eat while I was there, about my mom.  He always asked me about my mom.   He would listen to George Jones, and many other classic country legends. Sometimes he would sing along.    He sang “Baby’s Got her Blues Jeans On” to me.  I was pretty sure that they had written that song for me because I was wearing my blue jeans! I was so excited that I had a song.  Dad would always sing it to me when it came on that old radio. 

My Dad was a story teller.   He made up the most vivid, amazing stories.  So vivid, I was convinced they were real. (My mom assured me it was the alcohol talking)   He told stories of how the FBI had used him to hide things in his car.  This was his excuse for going out to the car 15 times a night to drink.  He was “checkin on something”.  He told me about his friend Corkey that could take a man’s heart right out of his chest and show it to him before he died.  He must have watched a lot of TV.  He told stories of his friends and stories of his life.  Some were real, some were real only to him. 

Dad really enjoyed cooking.  He made some of the best spaghetti, hamburgers, and breakfast ever!  Breakfast was our thing.  He ALWAYS made breakfast when I was with him.  When I stopped staying the night with him, we would always still meet for breakfast.   I have to say…his breakfasts were better than the ones we bought.  I guess this is why I still love breakfast food, reminds me of Dad, and being little.

I remember Peggy with her curlers and big toes. I remember Darlene and DeWayne.  He never let me in his room.  Mean teenagers!

Dad, loved the women! He was married 5 times. I always said “My Dad is a rounder!”.  (Get it?  Making the rounds…)

During the year of the “Changing of the Wives”, I remember one night where I had gotten out my bag of toys and I had a new red horn! It was huge and amazing! I was so excited to play with it! I marched around my room tooting that horn so proud.  Then Dad asked me to please be quiet.  I couldn’t understand why he would give me that toy then expect me not to play it.  Gosh Dad!  I waited a few minutes then began to toot again.  Just a little one…and another…then full marching.  Dad then came in and threatened to spank me.   I cried and put the horn under the bed and vowed not to play it again.  That was the only time Dad ever even threatened to spank me.  My heart was broken.  I have decided that my kids won’t be allowed to have any noise making objects.

I remember how Dad once took me shopping and bought me entirely too much Barbie stuff.  I am pretty sure Mom was mad…she played it off well.  I was so excited.  Looking back, I remember him enjoying me prancing around the store telling him about every little toy, his blue eyes were lit up, and I could see those faded dimples.  I used to tell people that his had “turned into wrinkles”.  I’m glad he passed those on!  The dimples…not the wrinkles….I hope he keeps those!

He took me fishing once and showed me how to bait a hook.  I reminded him pretty quick that I didn’t want to be dirty so he was gonna have to “put those worms on”.  He did it graciously.  I remember on the way home, I was so mad at him cause he made me use the bathroom on the side of the road.  I just wanted a real bathroom and Mom never made me do “that”.  It makes me laugh now because I know there just wasn’t one around.  Poor dad!  He was doing the best he could.

One other thing that really stands out is my science project.  I remember the gray stone house and the little room I had. It was close to the side of the house so the room had lower ceilings and “cool” angles. Dad decorated it with life size carboard figures of some of my favorite country stars. (There is no telling where he got those)This was the only time Dad helped me with school work. “We” worked on my light bulb all night…well until 10 or so. Actually Dad put together a light bulb with battery complete with a really cool switch and then took it apart and made me put it back together. I though it was so cool.  We were so proud of our project.  We had fun.  In the middle, we took a break and walked to the store.  We bought Cokes and cookies.  It was a really fun night.  I got a “C” on that project cause they said it was obvious I had “help”. Oh well!

I remember Dad’s pressed dress shirts and dress pants. His Aquanet hairspray that molded his hair just right. His “raw sausage” looking arms, his skinny legs, his Old Spice cologne, and those old man kisses.  I always thought his kisses were “squishy”.  What I wouldn’t give for one of those now!

I remember growing older and not talking to him as much, and rarely seeing him. When I would call he would answer “Nello”…never “Hello”. I would ask him how he was and he would say “just trying to survive, how about you?” It frustrated me every time he said it! I couldn’t get why anyone would want to just “survive”.  I miss that phrase now.

He never missed an opportunity to tell me how proud he was of me. He didn’t always understand my radical faith or the adventures I was living, but he was proud. He told me so many times that he wished he “had faith like me”. I would say that I wished he did too!

And he found it…while he was sick he found God. God became his strength I am convinced. He called Him his “buddy” and I could feel the friendship.

I don’t want to remember the sickness here.  I want to remember the fight. He fought so hard.  He loved hard.  He didn’t always love “right” but he loved hard.  So many of our conversations the last 2 years would end with him crying and being so sweet.  I believe he really loved people and I know he loved me!  He told me so many times that I was “his girl”.

There were lots of things he did, lots of things he didn’t do that I wish he did.   However, today I am thankful for what we had.  I am proud to say I am “His girl”!  I love you Dad and I miss you terribly!  I’ll be seeing you!

Tuesday

It’s Tuesday. The sun is shining and it’s HOT! It’s a beautiful day. I can hear the faint sound of the pool calling my name. Vicky….Vicky. Then I remember, I have to work. I work for the best company around, I love it. I just love sleep and sun and the beach too. Ah well. Another day. Today I must work for hope rather than on my tan. That is way more important anyway.

Listening

I would love to say that I am a great listener. I would be lying to you if I said that though. I am a great at telling you what you should do, though I have a tendency to tune out the small details of your situation. I am working to really listen. I mean, it agitates me to no end when the person on the other end isn’t listening to me. I’m getting better at really hearing people.

Just like in my relationships with people, I sometimes don’t listen to God very well either. I tend to get so busy…busy for the kingdom, busy doing my own things, busy talking, busy trying to figure out the right answer..so busy that I don’t listen. God got my attention yesterday in several ways and it was so nice to stop, shut up, and listen.

First, the sermon yesterday was about rest. About keeping the sabbath, creating time to be quiet, to be alone with God. I needed that. I get so busy being busy that I just don’t create enough God/Vicky time in my life. That is changing.

Also, God got my attention last night about a subject I had written off due to my lack of understanding. He reminded me that I am learning to trust Him with a lot of things I don’t understand…so I should give him that place again too. It was so refreshing to surrender and remember what I used to love so much. I look forward to it being a catalyst for growth with God this time and not a facade I use to fool the crowd.

I actually took some time to rest in God last night and it was amazing! He is beautiful and His rest is so sweet. He is such a loving father. He loves perfectly and disciplines so well. I was reminded of His embrace again this week. There is other place I would rather be….it is there that I know where I belong. It is there I find home. So I am choosing to place my ear to his chest, to listen to His heartbeat and anxiously await Him to speak, to move, to breath. He does…and I see things changing.

3 1/2 Months in….20 Pounds off!

I have been working out religiously and watching what I eat sporadically for 3 1/2 months now. I have finally lost 20 pounds! This journey is difficult but my will is strong! I won’t quit! This truly is my year!

It’s about time you ended your relationship with Jesus.

I probably just freaked you out.  Ha!  That is exactly how I felt when Michael said this was his sermon title last sunday.  I was thinking “where in the heck is he going with this one”.  It was powerful!  He talked about how God never called us into relationship with Him.  Relationships grow distant, cold, go up and down.  Relationships end.  God has invited us to abide in Him.  He wants us to be completely dependant on Him, living in him.   He wants our existance to depend on whether or not we are in Him.   Just like a fetus is completely dependant on the mother for life and nutrition, Jesus wants us to be like that baby in Him.    This really made me realize that I had left my first love in that I didn’t depend on God for everything anymore.  I made it about relationship with him not living in Him.  So I have decided to end my relationship with Jesus and decided to reclaim my seat in Him.  Check out John 15:4 &5.

What am I creating in my life?

What am I creating in my life?  What are you creating in your life?  I used to think that most of life was haphazard, that I could just float along and what was supposed to happen would just happen.  I have recently learned/realized that a lot of life is what you create it to be.  So I am asking myself this question daily?  I am creating a healthy body, great relationships, freedom, and wholeness.  Am I creating a safe place for me, a peaceful home where I can rest.  My answer was no to most of these questions, until this past month.  I have determined that I am a beautiful, authentic, free, valuable, vivacious woman who achieves, creates, and influences wholeness in myself and others.  Now that I have figured out who I am and what I want to create I just have to “DO” what it takes to “Have” what I want.  The “doing” is tough.  I won’t quit though. This life is a marathon and I have my running shoes on!  No sprints for me!

Check it out!

Emmaus Church Nashville has a new website! Check it out!!
www.emmauschurch.tv

New Stuff

I decided to get my tail back in the gym so I went to spin class yesterday and got up at 4:45 this morning and headed to the gym for a good butt kickin! It was good! I am determined that this is my year for getting free from debt and losing this weight! If I lose the highest percentage in 6 months I win $10,000! VICTORY!!