What did you say?

Have you ever accidentally sent a text message about someone to them instead of the person you meant to send it to?  Well I was on the recieving end of such accident today.  Let me just say that it made me sad that someone would talk about me, without talking to me about it first.  Ouch!  But it challenged me to think about what I am telling people.  I learned today that if you have beef with someone, you should really just talk to them about it and leave other people out of the mix.  (I’m not saying you can’t share with your friends, but if it’s big enough to share, it’s big enough to discuss with the person it involves.)  I was reminded today how hurtful it can be when you talk about people.  Honesty is the best policy and gossip separates close friends…’nough said! Yes, that goes for me too!

Achy Breaky Heart

No…I am not talking about the country song.  I am talking about the current condition of my heart.  It wasn’t some guy or anything like that.  It broke this weekend in Chicago and it broke for a community that I have no real idea how to love.  Don’t get me wrong, I love them with all my heart and it was broken and overwhelmed this weekend at the vastness of what I saw but I am not sure that I know how to love them (you know the kind of love that acts instead of just talks about it) the way that Jesus does.  I am asking Him to show me how.  How to love better, how to feel, what to do, where to do it.   My heart is seriously disturbed for my friends and all the other faces burned into my memory.   Lord, help me be part of the solution…help me to fight for freedom for those who are oppressed and enslaved in all types of ways and in all kinds of places.   Keep disturbing me Lord…break my heart every day if that is what it takes.

Free association 11/10

I say … and you think … ?

1. Coverage :: front desk
2. Cynical :: blah!
3. Gust :: of wind
4. Improvised :: faker
5. V :: me
6. Guests :: dinner party
7. Brutal :: punishment
8. Grant :: government
9. Pull :: hard
10. Streaming :: video

To be Known

Have you ever had one of those God moments where God steps into the lies you have believed or the selfish desires in your heart and brings truth that shatters the darkness?  That is what happened to me last Wednesday.  In devotion at work on Wednesday the speaker was sharing about how one day he was running and talking to God and told God that he wanted fame.  Now when I heard this I thought…wow, way to be honest and immediately tried to point a finger in my mind about his desires (Like I never desire anything I shouldn’t) and God quickly showed me a glimpse of my own wants putting me in my place lovingly as only he can do.  But it was God’s response to him that changed something in me when I heard it too.  He said that he heard God say ” I am God, Creator of the Universe, the Alpha and Omega, I AM and I know your name!  Who else do you need to know you?”  Woo!!  Then said ” Next to my acknowledgement of you, who else matters?”  Talk about awesome!  This stepped into my own desire to be known or accepted and reminded me that I am known by the only one who really matters!  Incredible…may my life reflect this truth!

Free Association 11/3

Free association is described as a “psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That’s an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, I’m just hoping to have a little fun with the technique.  You can check it out for yourself here:http://subliminal.lunanina.com/

Here’s mine for this week:

I say … and you think … ?

1. In love :: love it
2. Be my guest :: Beauty and the Beast
3. Number one :: cheer
4. Swallowed whole :: ice
5. 50 percent :: off
6. Made in :: China
7. Supplement :: vitamin
8. Right for :: you
9. Endless :: questions
10. Ceramic :: pot

3 months

“There is no way to express the loss of a person. Each of us are irreplaceable and the loss of a loved soul is excruciating.” – Margie Fawcett

Yesterday marked 3 months since dad died and I am left here today wondering why it had to be that way.  It really sucks that I can’t just call him that I can’t see his face and I can’t make any other memories with him.  I wonder if the memories I do have will someday fade and it scares me.  I am trying to remember…grasping to remember his face and things he said and the way that he always told me he was proud of me but I feel like I am grasping at straws and that the memories I do have were too few.  I have peace but somedays I want to scream, some days I feel like I might explode, some days I want to cry, and some days I hardly remember at all.  I am grappling with remembering and cherishing the memories without being angry that he is really gone.  Remembering at this point is painful and beautiful and difficult but undoubtedly necessary.  What a complicated mess life is.   I’m thankful to be a part in God’s story and I pray that this pain in this process lends itself to an amazing promise.

So happy together...

Hooray for Fall!

Let me start by saying that I am a HUGE fan of fall!  I love the temperature and the crispness of the air.  The beautiful colors in the trees, sweaters, and scarves!  Yay!  Also, everything pumpkin and cinnamon!  It is the best.  All cozy!  The one downside is the usual change of weather cold which has come knockin at my door.  Hopefully it will pass soon and I will enjoy this season and all the wonderful things it has to offer!  Anyone know of a good place to go for a hayride?

I hit a speed bump

I hit a speed bump today.  Something I thought was a possibility fell of the list of “maybe someday” to “nope…probably not ever” .  So I dust of the scrapes and move on.  I feel great about it.  Ready for what is next….thankful for the lessons learned and hopeful of where it leaves things.   Clarity comes at many different levels and yesterday something became more clear…crystal clear.   There is freedom in clarity and there is expectancy in new things.  There is also trust and better relationships forged from honesty and I am thankful for that.  So thank God for the bumps that slow you down and help you to be able to pay attention to what is ahead!

Together

I just got back from the Catalyst Conference (www.catalystconference.com) and it was incredible!  I recieved the push I needed to stay in the battle and to fight until the promise comes.  I was reminded that the process is painful but the payoff will come.  God will do what He has promised.  What a word that was for the Emmaus “tribe”.  I fell in love with God again…and even in love with His church again…not just Emmaus the whole church.  Someone said “what we have in common is greater than that which separates us”.  So powerful!  I want to give it all.  Money, time, heart, soul, mind.  When I stand before God I want him to say…you wasted it all for the Kingdom.    As Michael says, “we will stand there bruised, cut, banged up, and say “we gave all we could”.  That’s the picture I want.   I want step into the heart of the dark kingdom and shine the light of the Gospel (good news).  We will make it through the darkness, together!  Church, stand up and fight for the heart of humanity.  Greater things are yet to come!  Greater things are still to be done in Nashville! 

It’s raining..It’s Pouring…

People always say “when it rains, it pours” and I have seen that recently for sure.  After losing dad just over 6 weeks ago and starting to adjust my granny (dad’s mom) passed away unexpectedly on Sunday.  It kind of caused all the stuff from dad to come back to the surface.  But you know some things that have been a huge blessing in all of this:  It has helped me to deal with real emotions, I have learned what great friends I have in my life, and I have reconnected with my family.  The last is the most exciting to me….that through the loss we are becoming family and getting to know each other and even planning things together.  That is one ray of sunshine in the midst of the storms and I think I can see the clouds starting to clear.